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Living the Big Squeeze 

12/17/2013

 
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Throughout the past six months, I’ve been immersing myself in a lot of Buddhist spiritual writings, and I’ve been fortunate to latch onto two important lessons that have been immensely powerful in my healing journey.  The first is coming to terms with unwanted, messy, and painful parts of my past, and learning to embrace them as catalysts of change rather than simply bury them in shame.  The second, and by far the most difficult to practice wholeheartedly, is to nurture empathy for myself and others—this means learning to “be with” rather than “be there for” someone else who is struggling.  

In May, I started seeing a therapist who specializes in trauma, particularly survivors of childhood sexual abuse.  I’ll never forget her telling me in our first meeting that in order for me to start feeling better about myself, I would need to “let go of the storyline”, in  other words, learn to let the trauma simply exist for what it is, and not give it a life-force that enables it to reign as a continual theme reverberating throughout my life.  Buddhists believe that suffering is universal, so it is a teacher to be met with grace rather than with resistance.  

I was explaining to my wife how there have been many times during the past few months when I wished I could shove that “genie” back into the lamp and go back to the time before I disclosed the childhood sexual abuse.  The predicament I’m in is that I’m currently in limbo—a can’t go back, nor do I want to go back, and the prospect of the emotional energy involved in continuing on this path feels daunting and overwhelming.  American Buddhist nun Pema Chodron describes this feeling in our lives as the “big squeeze”.  “We find ourselves in that place again and again, usually we want to run away: sometimes we want to give up the whole thing.  It’s like burn out; it feels extremely uncomfortable and you can’t wiggle out of it…It feels impossible for us to buy our situation and impossible to throw it out."

What’s really at play here is that I’m becoming more self-aware, and I’m not being subjected to anything that wasn’t always there with me; however, the difference is that now I’m acknowledging the presence of these feelings.  Life is simultaneously beautiful and wretched.  The beauty emboldens me and inspires me to move forward—it’s very addictive, and I’d love to wallow endlessly in this part of my life.  The harsh reality is that the wretchedness is inescapable, and in the Buddhist tradition, something to be welcomed because it softens our hearts and humbles us.  As Brene Brown would say, true connection comes when we are at our most vulnerable, not when we are soaring above everyone else.  

So, how do I go about nurturing an acceptance of the pain, or wretchedness, that may pass my way?  Again, if I turn to the teachings of Pema Chodron, I see that the answer may lie in one simple word--patience.  According to Pema, “Paitence is not learned in safety.  It is not learned when everything is harmonious and going well.  When everything is smooth sailing, who needs patience? …There is no cultivation of patience when your pattern is to just try to seek harmony and smooth everything out.  Patience implies willingness to be alive rather than trying to seek harmony.”

That last sentence encapsulates every period of discord in my life—every time I felt overwhelmed, inconsequential, or trapped.  I’m starting to realize that my idea of “harmony” is completely out of whack with the universe’s definition of harmony.  For me, “harmony” looked like tranquility, with little or no friction in my life.  Every time something, or someone, came into my sphere that caused me to question myself or caused me to be pushed out of my comfort zone, I recoiled immediately and frantically tried to get back to that place of utopian “harmony”.  What I ended up doing was creating a lot of unnecessary internal strife, as I pushed away everything unpleasant.  There has been much written as of late, by such visionaries as Brene Brown and Sheryl Sandberg, about the importance “leaning into discomfort”, but this is not a new concept.   In the “Compassionate Life”, the Dalai Lama expresses the value of being able to accept the problems we encounter in this life that prevent us from fulfilling our goals. “If when these happen, we lose hope and become discouraged, we diminish our ability to face these difficulties. If, on the other hand, we remember that not just we but everyone has to undergo suffering, this more realistic perspective will increase our determination and our capacity to overcome troubles. By remembering the suffering of others, by feeling compassion for others, our own suffering becomes manageable.”  I’m starting to accept that just as we can’t choose our family, we are powerless to choose our teachers—sometimes they arrive in the guise of goodwill and progress; other times cloaked in pain and discomfort.  

Tony VDB
12/17/2013 03:18:25 pm

Hi JP, I’ve been following your blog with a great deal of admiration since almost the beginning but todays appearance of “patience” struck a special cord. It made me aware that mixed in with my admiration for your quest I also had developed a bit of anxiety about it’s intensity. Lately I couldn’t help thinking at times, “how can he keep this up without burning out or burning out someone close to him?”. Then I’d just tell myself “well JP is a runner and I’m a, what’s the hurry, take it easy kind of guy”. I’d just write it off as projecting my own discomfort, but then today’s arrival of “patience” made me give it some more thought.

I now think a good deal of my concern about burnout might have been caused by a feeling that some sort of a glue to hold everything together was missing from the quest. The relief I felt when patience became part of the mix made me feel thai it might be that missing glue. After letting that thought ferment in the back of my mind today I decided it is definitely one of the ingredients but there might be some others that are related.

Here are a couple of things that bubbled up, but first I must warn you that most of my thinking is coloured by the perspective of being an artist. I recently heard a writer reply to a question about inspiration by quoting Picasso as saying “inspiration exists but it has to find you working”. I have no idea if it’s accurate but I really like this quote. I specially like that you don’t just find inspiration by working, but rather that it finds you when you’re working. I feel this relates to patience because I think patience also extremely necessary for inspiration to be able to find you. (unless you’re Picasso :)

The other essential ingredient that all this ties into is creativity. But that’s a biggie way over my head to attempt to write about now. I would however like to pass along a link to a couple of excellent videos of John Cleese talking about creativity that I found offered great food for thought.

http://www.openculture.com/2013/09/john-cleeses-philosophy-of-creativity-creating-oases-for-childlike-play.html

TUCKER STACEY
1/30/2015 10:44:33 am

My name is tucker stacey.This is a very joyful day of my life because of the help Dr.Trust has rendered to me by helping me get my ex husband back with his magic and love spell. i was married for 6 years and it was so terrible because my husband was really cheating on me and was seeking for a divorce but when i came across Dr.Trust email on the internet on how he help so many people to get thier ex back and help fixing relationship.and make people to be happy in their relationship. i explained my situation to him and then seek his help but to my greatest surprise he told me that he will help me with my case and here i am now celebrating because my Husband has change totally for good. He always want to be by me and can not do anything without my present. i am really enjoying my marriage, what a great celebration. i will keep on testifying on the internet because Dr.Trust is truly a real spell caster. DO YOU NEED HELP THEN CONTACT DOCTOR TRUST NOW VIA EMAIL: Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or call +2348156885231 or ultimatespellcast@gmail.com. He is the only answer to your problem and make you feel happy in your relationship.

Adena
12/18/2013 04:55:54 am

Great words and thoughts today JP, well all the time but I check in here randomly. The timing of this was perfect for me. Thank you (as always)

Wishing you and your family a wonderful holiday season.

Laurie
12/18/2013 12:24:40 pm

You offer me hope, inspiration, comfort and the belief that I'm not alone in my suffering. Your heartfelt posts act as a springboard to further develop courage and self-awareness. This particular post is spot on in that regard for me! I am so grateful that you "dare greatly" and exercise vulnerability and courage in sharing all that you do. You definitely leave a footprint on this reader's heart and am quite certain I'm not the only one.

bradley
5/26/2014 02:05:19 pm



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Tracy Jones
4/3/2015 08:18:12 am

Unimaginable and unbelievable. I am Tracy Jones from the United States and i have a good news to share to the entire world. Do you need your ex husband or lover urgently? I wanna tell you that you need not to worry because i have a good news for those out there that are faced or similar to such situation because there is always a hope and a solution to all problem. There is a great spell caster called Dr Eku who can really solve your problem. Getting my lover back is what i can't imagine but when I was losing Newton, I needed help and somewhere to turn badly but my Aunty told me about this spell caster who also helped her on the internet. I thought it won't work but i just tried to give this man a chance and i ordered a LOVE SPELL. Two days later, my phone rang. Newton was his old self again and wanted to come back to me! Not only come back, the spell caster opened him up to know how much I loved and needed him. This Spell Casting isn’t brainwashing, but he opened up his eyes to know how much we have to share together. I recommend anyone who is in my old situation to try him because he will help you and make things be the way it ought to be. If you have such problem or similar to this, please contact him on his email
drekuperfectspells@yahoo.com and just visit DREKUPERFECTSPELLS.blogspot.com and see so many people testifying about his perfect work. thank you Dr Eku and may your gods ever reward you for your good deeds..

Tracy Jones
4/7/2015 08:52:37 am

Unimaginable and unbelievable. I am Tracy Jones from the United States and i have a good news to share to the entire world. Do you need your ex husband or lover urgently? I wanna tell you that you need not to worry because i have a good news for those out there that are faced or similar to such situation because there is always a hope and a solution to all problem. There is a great spell caster called Dr Eku who can really solve your problem. Getting my lover back is what i can't imagine but when I was losing Newton, I needed help and somewhere to turn badly but my Aunty told me about this spell caster who also helped her on the internet. I thought it won't work but i just tried to give this man a chance and i ordered a LOVE SPELL. Two days later, my phone rang. Newton was his old self again and wanted to come back to me! Not only come back, the spell caster opened him up to know how much I loved and needed him. This Spell Casting isn’t brainwashing, but he opened up his eyes to know how much we have to share together. I recommend anyone who is in my old situation to try him because he will help you and make things be the way it ought to be. If you have such problem or similar to this, please contact him on his email
drekuperfectspells@yahoo.com and just visit DREKUPERFECTSPELLS.blogspot.com and see so many people testifying about his perfect work. thank you Dr Eku and may your gods ever reward you for your good deeds..

James
4/29/2015 04:23:21 pm


I wanted to thank you for helping me get my girlfriend Roxanne back. She broke up with me last month and I have been miserable ever since the day she left me. I ordered your Return My Ex-Girlfriend Love Spell and within a couple of 2days we were back together! I have to say I am very pleased how fast and effective your spells are. I am also going to order a Money Spell to help with some finances. I would like to propose to Roxie and I want to give her the ring she deserves, Dr.zack balo is like a Father to me any thing he say come true that is why yo have to do any thing he ask you to do to make every thing work fine his email wiseindividualspell@gmail.com is here on internet to contact him now for your problem to be solve.

Tori Hanson
3/25/2016 02:55:55 am

I am Tori from Canada Toronto. I just want to say a big thank you to DR OGUMEN for what he has done for me,he brought back the man i loved and cherish with all my heart, a man who left me for another woman for good 4 years,with 2 kids,i just decided to check some spell caster's but all kept deceiving me, until i met DR OGUMEN who told me everything will be over i tough he was also a scam.until he told me that my ex will be back in 2 days time am so grateful today that my ex is back to me and we are happy and he always wanna be by my side,i will advice you people not to fall in the wrong hands but to contact DR OGUMEN who is trustworthy and straight forward,you can contact him via email ogumenspelltemple@gmail.com You can add him on his Facebook at (Ogumen Spell Temple) Good Luck to you.

Frances Robert
3/26/2016 10:27:14 am

Hello my lovely once.I never thought I will smile again. My wife is back!! my name is Frances Robert. I had a problem with my wife six months ago,which lead to us apart. When she broke up with me,I was no longer myself,I felt so empty inside .Until a friend of mine told me about one of her spells that helped in same problem too that she found on a television program. i emailed Him (drakerecospellcaster@gmail.com. and I told him my problem and I did what he asked me to briefly make. to cut the long story short,Before I knew what was happening,not up to 48 hours,my wife gave me a call and she come back to me and told me she was sorry about what has happened, she now tell me every day she love and miss me. I'm so grateful to this spell caster Dr.Akareco and i will not stop publishing his name on the Internet just for the good work he has been doing.If you need his help,you can email him at(drakerecospellcaster@gmail.com

Rita Jose link
4/20/2016 09:26:48 pm

I want to use this medium to tell the world about Dr Miracle, who helped me in getting my lover back with his powerful spell, my ex and i where having misunderstanding which led to our breakup though i went to beg him several times to please forgive and accept me back because i knew i offend him but each time i went i always feel more deeply in pain and agony because he always walk out on me and would not want to listen to what i have to tell him but on one faithful day as i was browsing i came arose a testimony of a woman whose problem was worse than mine and yet Dr Miracle, helped her with his spell so i was happy and also contacted Dr Miracle, for help via email (MIRACLESPELLHOME@YAHOO.COM) and then told him my story but the only thing he said was that i will wipe your tear out with my spell so luckily for me everything want well just as he promised and right now i have got my fiance back and we are both living happily. there is nothing Dr Miracle, can not do with is spell and just as promise myself i will keep testifying on the internet of how Dr Miracle, helped me.Are your problem greater that mine or less i give you 100% guarantee that Dr Miracle, will put an end to it with his powerful spell, contact Dr Miracle, today to help you email: (MIRACLESPELLHOME@YAHOO.COM)" or you can also contact him through his website http://miraclespellhome.wix.com/dr-miracles,,,

maria
8/10/2016 11:38:09 pm

I am really happy that i and my boyfriend are cured of (HERPES SIMPLEX
VIRUS) with the herbal medicine of Dr PRINCE , we have been suffering
from this disease for the past 3 years without solution until i came
across the email of this doctors who have cure so many people with his
herbal medicine, i also choose to give him a chance to help me and my
boyfriend, he told me what to do and i kindly did it, and he gave us
his herbal medicine and direct me on how to use it, i also follows his
instruction for use and he ask us to go for a check up after 3 weeks
and which i did, to my greatest surprise our result came out as
negative, we are really happy that there is someone like this
Dr.PRINCE who is ready to help anytime any day. to all the readers and
viewers that is doubting this testimony stop doubting it and contact
this Doctor and see if he will not actually help you. i am not a
stupid woman that i will come out to the public and start saying what
someone have not done for me. he is really a great man contact him
now. with this email: DR.PRINCEARATAABRAHAM@GMAIL.COM or call him on
+2348163241499
maria Thompson
From Usa


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